


Heavy is the Cost

by GallicGalaxy



Category: The Walking Dead (Comics)
Genre: I have no explanation and I wrote this, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Non-Explicit Sex, One Night Stands, One Shot, very important rarepair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 14:14:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10492650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GallicGalaxy/pseuds/GallicGalaxy
Summary: Loneliness and grief work in strange ways, and bring strange people together at strange times.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i'm finally caught up on twd comics and this is what i bring y'all. neugene.

“Negan?”

Gray eyes faintly glimmering in the darkness, Negan turned his head to answer the breathy exclamation of his name.

“Hey, haven't I seen you before?” Negan thought out loud, resting a hand on his hip.

“Oh, yes. You have indeed.” Eugene hummed. “I vividly remember you grabbing your balls in front of my face...” He muttered, voice tinted with disgust.

“Oh shit, you're _that_ guy!” Negan remarked, eyes widening. He chuckled lightly and shook his head, scuffing his feet against the dry ground.

“I'm surprised to see you're still out and about around here.” Eugene commented. He was eager to tear Negan's train of thought away from its current subject before he managed to say anything else.

“Well, to be honest, I'm probably supposed to be gone by now. They're moving me to some outpost all alone or something.” Negan said idly. “Hey...by the way, sorry about that whole _'groping-myself-against-your-face'_ thing.” Eugene responded with a wordless glare; it didn't seem to deter Negan whatsoever. “Unless you really liked that. In which case, call me over and we'll do it again some time.”

Eugene lifted his eyebrows.

“Are you...coming onto me?” He questioned. “My, you sure don't waste any time.”

Negan looked just as surprised as Eugene. “Was I?” He repeated. “That wasn't my original intent. I just had this conversation about first impressions the other day, you know... ” Negan rested his hand on his chin thoughtfully. Did he really have to think that much about whether or not he was coming onto someone?

Eugene took a few steps past Negan, resuming his premeditated path towards his front door.

“Okay, I wasn't _trying_ to come onto you, but I wouldn't say _no_ , you know what I'm saying?” Negan attempted to explain. "It's been way too fucking long since I've had a proper fuck, and that's probably why fucking you senseless doesn't sound like such a bad idea right now." Eugene looked back at him; as begrudging as he'd be to admit it, he was mildly amused by Negan, at least enough so to hear him out. Maybe it was carelessness, maybe it was arrogance, maybe it was recklessness – but when Negan wasn't actively dangerous, he seemed _different_. A bit coy, a bit deceptive, but charming. Almost cute.

It must've been some reckless arrogance Eugene hadn't even known he possessed. He had to be going insane if he was imagining Negan as some sort of playful puppy-dog.

“Yeah...I suppose I understand that.” Eugene answered lazily. No, he needed to take a step back: Negan was offering to have _sex_ with him, and hadn't yet clarified to what extent strings might be attached. It didn't necessarily have to mean anything, but still...

“You still in there, old man?” Negan's voice drew him back.

Right now, they were still circling each other like dogs trying to determine who was in whose territory. Cautious and uncertain of each other, weighing circumstances and options in their heads.

“Yes.” Eugene said tersely. “I just...” He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He shouldn't even have been _courting_ these kinds of options. “I lost someone...recently. I've had a lot of things on my shoulders, even before that. It was all...so complicated, and...I don't know if I should be doing this kind of thing right now.”

Negan was unexpectedly silent for a moment.

“Yeah...I know that.” He sighed deeply, harsh solemnity in his voice. “I...well, I lost someone a long time ago, but...I kinda lost her again today.” He took another deep, slow breath and shook his head slightly. “I lost something that...meant a lot to me, and goddammit...it felt like she was dying all over again.”

Maybe he was lying. He probably had reason enough to lie, in his twisted little mind. But he sounded sincere.

“Why don't you come inside?” Eugene offered, smiling the kind of smile people only give when they're trying not to cry. Negan looked back up at him and smiled as well, but a different kind of smile.

“Rick Grimes swears won't let me out of a cage for as long as I live, and now you're inviting me into your home like I'm an old friend.” He chuckled, eyes bright with amusement. Before Eugene could form a reasonable response, Negan continued: “I was a danger to everything you knew. I grabbed my balls in front of your face. I'm sure I threatened you with plenty of horrible things – all the threats kinda blur together, y'know – and here you are, inviting me into your home.” Eugene inhaled sharply, very prepared to send a set of stinging remarks in Negan's direction, but Negan held out a hand to silence him and closed his eyes for a moment. “But, if you're still offering...I could use some blind trust right now.”

Eugene stared him down, trying to figure out what his angle was, but all he saw in those deep, dark eyes was that same bizarrely enchanting playfulness. He should've been much more wary, or at least more careful, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to see Negan as threatening. Not right then, not right there.

“Well, I'm glad we reached an agreement.” Eugene coughed, turning on his heel. Negan followed him at a modest distance, clearing the doorway in a single fluid stride.

“Aw, and he even held the door for me. What a gentleman.” Negan teased. Eugene closed the door behind them in a single motion nowhere near as seamless as Negan's last few strides had been. By the time he turned around, Negan was almost already sitting down, threatening Eugene's table with his dirty, battered boots.

“Please keep your feet off my table.” Eugene sighed. Negan raised his eyebrows for a moment, and Eugene continued with an irritated addition of, “That radio is fragile.”

Negan glanced absentmindedly over at the mentioned radio, then swung his legs off the table obediently. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table instead, which was a much better alternative.

“Did you only invite me in because I accidentally came onto you?” Negan asked, his lips curled into a smug semblance of a smirk.

“I'm not sure yet.” Eugene mumbled, crossing over to the table Negan was leaning over. He was easily still worried about that radio; having Negan so much as in the vicinity of it was a nightmare for his stress levels.

“You know what?” Negan gasped, his expression twisting almost instantaneously from haughty to entranced by his own thoughts. “I've _never_ stuck my dick in another man before. I almost can't believe it. I mean, I guess I just missed that phase in college...”

“You went to college?” Was what Eugene decided to focus on. “I find that amusing.”

“Fuck yes, I did.” Negan insisted. “I mean, all it ended up resulting in was becoming a _gym teacher_ , but yeah.” He sighed a little again, massive shoulders rising and falling in a mesmerizing display. “That's the old world for you, right?”

“You were a teacher?” Eugene questioned, folding his arms loosely. “So was I. High school science teacher.”

“No shit?” Negan purred. “You were really just a science teacher, and not some high-paid government fuck?”

Eugene turned his eyes to the floor and laughed. Maybe to keep himself from crying, maybe to stave off all the horrible, horrible feelings that were threatening to drown him otherwise. More than anything, he was laughing at himself. His own pitiful pitfalls and gnawing vices, so unlike what everyone else's seemed to be.

“I didn't think that one would get that much of a laugh.”

Eugene dared to look back up at him. He could feel himself smiling, but knew he shouldn't have been.

“It's too long of a story for right now.” He said softly.

“Okay, okay.” Negan accepted. He almost looked beautiful. Or maybe, maybe sorrow was beautiful. Maybe loneliness was beautiful. Maybe it was just a faceless sort of temptation that made everything look beautiful, even dark eyes and strong jaws and dusty leather jackets. “Now, what was I talking about?” Negan once again interrupted the stuttering progress of Eugene's confusion. “Oh, yeah!” Negan slammed his hands down on the table, and Eugene's eyes flashed with vibrant anger. “Sorry. Yeah, the radio. Didn't hurt it. Anyway, I've never fucked a man before.” Negan leaned back heavily, which made Eugene momentarily fear for the integrity of his chair, and then continued. “It's got me thinking – I mean, could I have been _gay_ all this time and not have known it? Is that possible?” He sounded like he was very seriously wondering about the answers to these questions.

“I genuinely can't tell whether or not you're being facetious right now.” Eugene declared stiffly.

“That's the charm.” Negan quipped. He rose from his sitting position, but remained leaning over the table for a moment. Eugene wanted to kiss him for no reason. “The point is, fuck...I really wanna do it now.” Negan laughed – a pretty, husky little sound. “With you or with someone else.” He stood upright in slow motion. Eugene could visualize the bones in his spine uncurling, layers of powerful muscle around it resting perfectly comfortably and flowing together flawlessly with any movement because the human body was marvelous.

Eugene considered himself to be terrible at complimenting people. He always focused in on things that other people didn't care about or thought were strange. What he noticed wasn't what anyone else would notice. He would admire the patterns of color in someone's irises or the particular way they pronounced a certain letter or the way their fingernails twisted as they grew or how their freckles were spaced – and he'd learned a long time ago that there was no way to bring things like that up and sound charming instead of creepy. _"You have a beautiful spine."_ would never sound appealing.

Negan was standing in front of him, moonlit and wrapped in a thorough layer of whatever it was that made everything so alluring when you felt alone.

Alone.

In that moment, Eugene wanted to fall into his arms and press his face against Negan's neck and feel the steady hum of his pulse right where it was most vulnerable, just because Negan was _there_.

Use him like people would use a piece of furniture. Because it happened to be there and it could fill the purpose they wanted it for.

“Cat got your tongue?” Negan purred, shifting around the side of the table to get closer to Eugene. “Fuck, I sure hope not. You might need it, you know.” He was wearing a smug grin, but a comfortably smug grin. Not yet contemptuous. Eugene let his arms unfold and fall to his sides.

“Subtlety isn't your strongsuit, is it?” Eugene huffed.

“Subtlety is for high school science teachers.” Negan jeered, sauntering even closer to Eugene. Eugene returned Negan's taunting smirk. He felt Negan's hands land on his waist, and the larger man pulled him close, close enough to feel his body heat and smell his rich, musky scent.

“Listen, I...” Eugene began, avoiding eye contact with Negan. “I...do think I want to do this, but...I don't know if I _should_.” Negan slid his hands up a little and started rubbing Eugene's sides. Eugene felt his head spin. “I feel like I only want it because I'm lonely, because I just want someone to hold me, to comfort me...” Negan nuzzled the side of Eugene's face. Eugene's hands lurched up to Negan's shoulders in a feeble attempt to steady himself or maybe push Negan away. “...to _fuck_ me.”

“Listen – that's fucking fine.” Negan replied loudly, pulling away from Eugene a little. “Of course you're lonely, and of-fucking-course you want someone to hold you. Jesus fuck, that's part of why I'm offering.” He continued. Eugene lifted his head and timidly looked Negan in the eyes. “Now come here and just let me kiss you.” Negan insisted, pulling Eugene against his chest and tenderly, warmly pushing their lips together.

Eugene told himself it wouldn't affect him, it wouldn't sway him or change anything, but as soon as Negan's lips were on his he felt himself melting. Negan, for all his forwardness, was being wonderfully patient and tender. Eugene wrapped his arms around Negan's shoulders and leaned into it; he let himself relax against Negan's chest and keep up with that loving, enviable kiss.

He sighed contentedly when they parted. Negan kissed the side of Eugene's face in turn. “You like that?” Negan hummed.

“Yes...I did.” Eugene hummed. “I liked it.”

“So...do you wanna fuck or not?” Negan asked.

“I...” Eugene turned away for a second.

“Still don't know?” Negan half-sighed. “You're not betraying her or anything, you know.” He assured Eugene. Eugene felt one of Negan's hands slide down his side, rubbing at his waist. “Have you never done it with a man before either? You nervous? That's adorable.”

“I've done it like this once or twice.” Eugene coughed. “I was much younger and...much drunker.” Eugene paused abruptly. Negan's hand had crept a little further down and a little further forward. "That's not the problem.” He felt Negan nuzzle against his cheek again, and then give him a gentle kiss.

“It's a one-night stand.” Negan proposed. “I'm not looking for anything more, and I don't think you are either.” He lowered his voice to a whisper, and Eugene felt himself relax a bit. “You want me to fuck off? I'll fuck off. Or I could stay, and we could have hot, wild sex, and you could forget for a little while.”

Negan had a rather lewd hold on him now. Eugene grunted softly, his body hot from the mere _touch_ of that hand where it was, not to mention the way Negan was trying to use it.

“I suppose it wouldn't be so bad.” Eugene replied. Was he that easy? Easy enough that all Negan had to do was come up and paw at his crotch to get Eugene to bend to his will? Before he could even follow that train of thought he found Negan's lips pressing at his again, and he was a ragdoll in the larger man's arms.

Negan was much less patient and gentle this time. He was kissing deep, kissing hard, and splitting Eugene's focus between the hot mouth pressing into his and the hand rubbing against his sex. Eugene broke away several times to gasp raggedly for breath.

He never would've expected this. He may have thought about taking a man to bed with him a few brief times in his past, but he'd never imagined it like it happened – certainly not with a man so big or so conventionally handsome. He never could've imagined Negan playfully unwinding his braid, running those leather-clad fingers through his hair, or pulling his hair up to graze his teeth against the nape of Eugene's neck.

As soon as they were even near Eugene's bed Negan was trying to push him over, trying to get on with it, turning all his speech to some sort of self-satisfied boasting. Eugene was almost taken aback by how virile Negan was, and certainly how _good_ he made him feel.

Negan was beautiful. No, Negan was gorgeous. His smirk was adorable; the way it twisted his lips and the way his eyes always shone whenever he executed it made Eugene smile. And Negan's body was gorgeous, certainly, every inch heavy with muscle that pulled and rippled with each luscious movement he made.

Eugene had felt a bit overwhelmed since that second, deep kiss, and his head was spinning before they were even really into it. He was weak beneath Negan, who was rolling his shoulders and moving his hands to anywhere he thought might be erogenous enough to take Eugene's breath away for a moment.

And oh, when they got to it, how good it felt.

Nobody had to know. Nobody had to know about Negan's powerful body shifting and lapsing against Eugene's like waves chewing away at a beach, about the throbbing heat of skin pressed to skin and heartbeat pressed to heartbeat. He could keep the words that passed between them for himself – Negan's ardent, profane insistence of his potency and his playful sexual taunts, and even Eugene's own muttering for Negan to just shut up but keep going, keep _going_.

It wasn't just that Negan made him feel good _sexually –_ there was plenty of that – but Negan made it feel very personal, very intimate, even though he'd said it didn't have to be anything more than a one-night stand. Eugene had no doubt that Negan was a good liar. He was manipulative, he'd proven that much. And it was likely it was just intentional manipulation that made Eugene feel so close to him. Negan knew what Eugene wanted and how to satisfy that need, but even considering that Negan was just toying with him or putting on a show for him, Eugene let it be. Right then, it didn't matter.

Negan himself seemed plenty satisfied, though that may have just been satisfaction at his ability to toy with Eugene or effectively render him impressively helpless. Negan was certainly virile, almost overwhelming in how sexual he was, and dangerously free of inhibition. Certainly, once or twice a college-aged Eugene had been coaxed into drinking more than he should've (which was most often _'at all'_ ) and had wound up in a short, torrid sexual experience with someone who happened to be of the same sex, but that was nothing like what occurred between him and Negan. He felt loved, like he was wanted in Negan's arms, even if it was all just fabricated. He felt a little more desirable, perhaps a little younger, perhaps a little more powerful.

And when it was all over and they were just lying there next to each other, spent and satisfied, Eugene still felt good. There was something freeing about having nothing attached to a sexual experience like that. With Negan he had nothing to live up to, and he'd had no expectations for his partner either. They didn't need to _love_ each other or even care about each other in a non-sexual way. It was just a single blissful experience, and Negan's arms were still around him at the end.

Maybe it was better, every now and again, to let go. To forget for a little while. Grief and lonesome pining could wait. Right then, all he needed was the feeling of Negan's warm skin against his as they held each other. Calm, passive, breathing heavily and smiling at each other with lidded eyes.

The first thing Negan said to him once they were finished was, “Fuck...looks like you've still got it in you, old man.”

“Oh, come on, I'm not _that_ old.” Eugene retorted. Negan tucked Eugene's head under his chin, one arm still around him, holding Eugene against his chest.

“I don't know about you, but if that was how it felt for me just once with a guy I barely know...” Negan chuckled, and Eugene felt the subtle vibrations of his throat. “A whole new world has opened up before me. In fact, I might just be the most fucking bisexual motherfucker I know.”

“Can I be the second most bisexual?” Eugene laughed tiredly, leaning his head back to look up at Negan's face.

“ _Fuck_ yes.” Negan spat. “And if you ever want to be very bisexual in my general vicinity, please feel free to.” He added with staggering enthusiasm. Clearly, sex like that had taken a lot more out of Eugene than it had Negan.

“I'll keep that in mind.” Eugene noted. Negan smiled at him, almost genuinely, and kissed him quickly and playfully – giving him one momentary kiss, then deciding that wasn't quite enough and laying a few more short, shallow kisses on his waiting mouth.

“Anyway, _honey_ -” Negan purred, flippant and almost condescendingly sweet. “Was that good for you? You feel better now?”

“Yes.” Eugene answered succinctly. He pressed his face into Negan's neck once more, breathing a heavy, contented sigh. “I do feel better.”

He felt like he _shouldn't_ have felt better, like there was some shame and disgrace in admitting that he'd derived some sort of pleasure or comfort from something like that. Of course he could feel guilty about having done it with _Negan_ , but that wasn't the only thing at work. It wasn't just about Negan; Negan was probably the best thing about it. Maybe he wouldn't even have felt better if he'd done it with someone who wasn't as potent or as good at lying.

Negan murmured out, “I told you so.” and ran a hand up Eugene's leg. He gave Eugene a series of more provocative kisses, a bit longer and deeper this time, and pressed his body even harder against Eugene's.

“Oh, come on, lay off.” Eugene grunted, shoving Negan away a little, but with a smile on his face. “I know what game you're playing. I'm not gonna do it _again_ right now; you wore me out.” Negan whined plaintively and put on a mockery of a frown.

“Alright, alright.” He sighed. “But I think we should see each other again sometime. Maybe I'll sneak out of my little outpost and come visit you. Y'know, _“Wherefore art thou Negan?”_ and shit.” Negan laid back onto his side, not pressing impatiently against Eugene anymore, and breathed deeply. “We can at least have a nice amiable chat. Stave off the loneliness a little.”

Eugene turned and stared into Negan's eyes. It felt like looking Negan straight in the eye should've been like looking a dog straight in the eye – a gesture which would provoke prompt and dangerous aggression.

But his gaze was soft. He didn't look aggressive or dangerous or even slightly domineering.

So Eugene smiled, and his answer was, “Sure. We'll have a chat sometime.”

But he knew what that really meant.

 


End file.
